I am what I am
That's what I'm for
You think its a shame
You wanted more.
]
"Yes I'm going to rugby, Yes its very, very, early to go to rugby, Yes I'm eating with that silly bunch of idiots, Yes, No, I wont get drunk, Yes I will remember my fibrillation, Yes I know your mothers coming tonight for a meal and Yes I wont be late! Bye!.

The Catering managers choice for the pre match lunch, prior to middle of the table clash with Chosen Hill, was The Air Balloon Inn. Set in the bosom of the Cotswold's, perfect surroundings, panoramic views, gourmet food, a setting fit for the discerning palates of the gentlemen of The Incontinence Dining Club.

Where did we eat? The Waggon & Bloody Horses, Gloucester. Totally against The Catering Managers superior judgement, advance planning, careful research and wealth of experience and solely based on a throwaway remark at a skittle match, all this was disregarded, tossed aside like a used Durex! "Rich Williams knows this smashing pub" Said, Navigation Officer Pinder backed up by Transport Manager Lewis. So that's where we went....

This place made The Bulldog seem like A Retirement Home for Genteel Ladies of Refinement. Slap bang in the middle of a Gloucester estate, huge red brick building of uninspiring architecture, circa 1950, designed by blind planners on a backhander from dodgy council members. High ceiling rooms all painted tobacco yellow and somewhere in the past somebody had a go at open planning, incomprehensibly knocking down walls but leaving doors in bits that remained standing! Christ!

We found a parking space next to a burnt out carcass of a BMW (You get a better class of car thief around here) and went into the pub ignoring the ominous pile of bricks next to our car. Ned cast a longing look at his wheels. We chose seats next to the door with our backs to the wall. On the next table were three young girls all of whom did not look over twelve. However they must have been of breeding age as the result of at least one ecstatic friction in the back of a Toyota was crawling around their feet. They were also doing their best to inhale as much Benson and Hedges gas before the June ban set in.
A gloom settled over the Catering Manager as he spotted the bright red plastic menus with "Kids eat Free" blazoned on the cover. A further perusal did not lift his spirits...Two for the price of one on an all day breakfast, two sausages, two mushrooms, two eggs, two pieces of bacon, two spoon fulls of baked beans, two pieces of fried bread, two tomatoes and a free heart valve with every meal! all for 6 pee or something like that.

Our Food critic, Mr Gracey, who does not eat anything that exhausts methane, chose some innocuous lentil dish ignoring remarks from the others "That they did not fight their way to the top of the food chain just to eat grass!" The rest opted for a cholesterol rush.

To complete the misery the boys got stuffed on the park.

Anyone with no catering experience whatsoever other than a passing acquaintance with Am Neg n Chips can apply for my job anytime they like.