Next week all in the IDC are looking forward to their Christmas Lunch, IDCCD (The Incontinence Dining Club Christmas Dinner) venue to be decided, with eager anticipation.
There have been a number of enquiries about joining this IDC excursions. This would pose a major problem for The Transport Manager as our current seating plan is limited to four. However for a small joining fee, essential in keeping riff raff like Bartlett out! I will publish our destination and prospective associate members (AMIDCCD) may make their own arrangements to join us.

Disturbing News

It has been reported to me that there is a serious and insidious peril awaiting the incontinent. It would seem that landlords are fitting to their toilets cisterns that are water pressure sensitive. In other words the flow tap notes the drop in pressure when water is used in any part of the building and tops up the urinal cistern and consequently a brief flush occurs.
Therein lies the danger! Picture a poor fellow who has just satisfactorily emptied his bladder he is zipping his flies when somewhere someone in the building turns on a tap. The cistern tops up and the flush is activated! Imagine what this does to the chaps bladder as he is walking to the door! Oh,Oh, running water............ back to the urinal flies down and start again.
I understand that one of our members was locked into this vicious circle for three days and it was only when a plumber (Corgi Registered) came in for a pee that he was mercifully released.

The IDC is mounting, if you will pardon the expression, a vigorous shakeup of members of the House of Lords, wearing rubber gloves of course, to have this odious device banned.

Steve Pinder our technical nerd, he knows how to use text, complained bitterly to The Catering Manager that he did not feature in the previous edition "Dorset Nobbs". This was despite his addition to the navigation suggestions and on the spot photographs. He was so distraught that he attempted to do away with himself.

Set off for Dorset North, got hopelessly lost after leaving Bathampton!, three navigators two maps and not a bloody clue.


After turning on to the A36, which was clearly marked with a bloody great sign which said in foot high letters A36, Tom reckoned that this does not necessarily mean that it is the A36! What chance do we have. I should have invested in a whole Tom Tom and not half of one, all I got is a Tom Tit!



Travelled most of Dorset and Somerset and I think I saw a sign to Bargoed at one point, I did notice that the sun shone at us from all points of the compass.


Bladders hit critical mass so stopped and peed over some pedigree horses. Finally found our pub,The Stapleton Arms, which was recommended to us by Eric, the North Dorset press officer. Great place, very county, lovely food, three Ham Egg and Chips and one Sausage and Mash in Onion gravy. The Ham Egg and Chips was served on square wooden boards, which the Catering Manager pointed out indicated that it was a square meal as was served in Nelsons navy. Tom was somewhat miffed by the plates. He felt that in a posh place like this they could afford better. To complete our joy the pub had all the beers from a recent beer festival served by stunning topless barmaids.

I may have imagined that bit about topless barmaids!

Note: This an ideal pub for a Sunday lunch. If you intend to visit, start Wednesday!

Ned found it difficult to average out the specific gravities of the ales. His first pint, Parsons Crotch Sweat, or something like that, was 6.5%. He had then to find an ale that would reduce the mean to about 5.1% his normal intake level for a Saturday . A difficult task he said, as he was worn out from all that navigating.

Following the directions given by the delightful maids we found the ground. Tom borrowed a car with a radio so that he could listen to the International, England v South Africa, on the radio.
The three other members of the I.D.C. took their places on the sideline to voice their support for Thornbury.






Boys destroying North Dorset

Following a satisfactory win by the boys and a few libations in the bar we set off following the setting sun. This was because the navigators refuse to navigate so the driver, having a nautical bent, was forced to do a Columbus. Doubt was expressed at one point about this form of navigation when we passed through Taunton. However only one pee break was required in the whole return journey.





Driver realises that getting there was only half his problems.

Incontinence Dining Club (Motto: The Worlds our Toilet)

The IDC origins are lost in the mists of time gone by. Certainly the incontinence section has been in existence for about 4 years (It should be noted at this point that the author has an extremely bad memory and has been known, when regaling other members of his derring do, to forget what he was talking about before he reaches the end of the story. Where was I? Oh yes. The IDC metamorphosis ed from a group of TRFC supporters who followed our glorious 1st team hither and thence. It originally had 5 members (Tom Gracey, Ned Lewis, Steve Pinder, Bill Blakemore and my good self.) It was noticed in the early days that our bladder capacities were not like wot they used to be! For we remembered in our youth that we could down 25 pints of "Starbright" on a Saturday night and not wish to empty our tanks until the following home game. This always worried me slightly at the time as I noticed that my nose ran a lot.

As time passed so we found that it was necessary to plan our away games with a little more thought. A cunning plan was devised. Each club was marked with radiating rings, like what B & Q do when they calculate their delivery charge. The rings, radiating from the centre of the away ground, marked our bladder capacities. The rings were based on a 2 pint, 4 pint and so on capacities. This unfortunately could be easily sabotaged by falling into the company of the likes of Pont and his 8 by 8 club as membership could and did, severely constrict the rings, if you see what I mean!.

Janet Arrowsmith and other ladies of The Ladies Committee were moved to tears when they were made aware of our plight and presented us with a hospital pee bottle which resides in the boot of the Catering Managers car, and if truth be known is jealously guarded by same. Another solution, as of yet untested, was that all members could be fitted with catheters painted in club colours, these they could hang out of the car windows like football supporters scarves and apart from the odd cyclist nobody would be any the wiser!

Unfortunately Bill Blakemore passed on to the great urinal in the sky and although he is greatly missed the increased room in the car did ease the bladder compression problem somewhat. However it is a loosing battle, for as our age increases so the rings diminish. Hmmm, I think I should re-phrase this.

The Dining aspect of the IDC is relatively new. This came about when it was unanimously decided to supplement our liquid refreshment when travelling to away games, with some light sustenance. It fell to me as Catering Manager to find a suitable drinking/ eating establishment within a 2 pint radius of the away club. This is our second year of away dining and we have sampled some culinary delights as far afield as Somerset and Gloucester.
My biggest challenge is yet to come when we play Barton Hill.















"Biggars" Catering Manager. Making me transport manager briefly in Neds absence was somewhat of a mistake as I have no sense of direction on land.

















"Thomas O Gracey" Food critic for Hello Magazine. Tom was miscast in this role as he only eats "Am, Egg and Chips" so his food column is somewhat limited.
















"Ned" Transport manager. Yet another error as Ned is colour blind which makes each traffic light controlled junction extremely interesting.




















This is a the meal that Ned recommends as a slimming aid. He lost 12 stone following it as the picture below will testify.
















Twiggy Lewis

















"Pinder" Sports reporter and Pont baiter. Pindee is the Clubs technologist and knows about chips and that so is immensely helpful to our catering manager. He also has a "MOBILE PHONE" and whats more can text, which has made him somewhat of a nerd in the eyes of the other club members. It keeps beeping at him and updates him on all the sports results which then prompts him to ring Pont and make jeering noises. Odd world we live in.

Our next big challenge is "North Dorset Rugby Club". This means a new "Ring Chart" will have to be devised, travel sickness pills to be distributed, a holding tank fitted to the Transport Managers car, Google Earth and the Good Pub Guide poured over, the list is endless.
I do hope that the 1st team appreciates the effort and pain that "The Old Farts" go through just to cheer them on, that's if we make it to the touch line and are not in the bog!

To the IDC club secretary,
I think our first dining experience was in the ? at Gordano, oak beams and flagstone floors. We ate in the garden/ car park; I had an indifferent Fish Pie can't remember what rest had.

Then "The Ram Inn" Woodchester Glos. Nice sunny day, ate outside, Can't remember what I had.

Then The Mill, Carvery, Someone was missing.

Then "The Old Spot" Dursley. I got flashed for speeding, you were late and Steve got us lost. Transport manager absent. Nice lager called "Cotswold"

The Folly at Emerson Green or Westerly not sure which. Guest appearance by Pete. I had Ping Pong, You Han n eggs, Rest ?

I need to photograph all club members and will bring a camera next week.

Steve as IDC communications officer this needs fleshing out.
As the IDC transport manager is not in the 21st century then you will have to verbal him.

I will report all input on an IDC Blog site. We could be overwhelmed by people wishing to join and I think conditions of membership must be discussed at our next AGM.

IDC Transport Manager

IDC Communications, Tom needs dates!

Bless

IDC Catering

It is patently obvious that you are losing your grip on reality. Your memory is atrocious !

Our first dining experience was en-route to the Stroud game on the 8th April this year. You had something with salad, Ned and I had the Glos Old Spot sausage with Mash. Tom had something with chips

The following week (15th April) we called in at the Black Horse, Clapton in Gordano. You had the fish pie, cant remember what I had or the other two had.

Now onto this season..........called in at the mill for the carvery for 3 as Tom was recovering from food poisoning and was late anyway. This occurred on the 16/9 going to Gordon league. I won at Poo Sticks which Tom had never heard of, and I don't think anyone paid my winnings.

30/9 saw us at the Old Spot Dursley, I had Ham, Tom had Haddock fish cakes (once he got there............late again !!) and you had something I cant remember.Ned was at a wedding eating for free.

14/10 found found us perusing the menu at the Folly Westerleigh. I took photo's of the meal, but cant work out how to download them off my mobile.

By the way, you are not the Transport manager.........you are the Catering Manager. Ned is the Transport manager which is why we got lost in Stroud 'cos he wasn't there. It wasn't my fault as you didn't have the map book that I gave you a couple of years ago !!

By way of fleshing out.................will this do? (please see attached file)

CU Sat

Steve

I agree the first one was definitely the 8/4/06 'cos it was my birthday. I doubt if I had chips though ... I think it was something with new (well what passes for new nowadays) potatoes, I'll put that down as lamb chops but I'm fairly sure it wasn't but I like lamb chops provided they are failryl well burnt. I'll put Rog down for Clear Camel Piss soup.
I think I had the fish pie at Gordano 'cos there was only one left and Rog let me have it ... it was greasy as I remember. I'll put Rog down for shepards pie, Ned for veal stew and Steve for calves liver (as he is obvoiusly a pervert going by the attachment to this e mail)
So what did you have at the Mill carvery ... it looked like sloppy poo to me.
Rog despite your advancing years and declining intellect you must remember what you had at Dursley it was only a couple of weeks ago. What did Ned have at his wedding ... no it's ok ... he told me ... he had everything, 3 sorts of fish, ham, beef, pork, lamb, veggie ... then the puddings.
cheers tom gracey